Monday, May 13, 2013

Dear new mothers:

Don't be sad about how your body looks, worry whether you're still pretty, wonder where your youth went. Stop holding yourself up to society's standards, and you'll find yourself happier with who you are. Look at yourself through your children's eyes and you'll never feel low about yourself again. To them you are a goddess, you are the most beautiful woman in the world, your every mood is of prime importance to them; they watch and learn everything from you, including how to feel about themselves and about how they look. So for their sakes, learn to look at yourself as you would have them look at themselves.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Happy birthday baby

You'd be 29 today. I can still remember the morning you were born, the labor pains seeming endless but finally getting a sense of control over it, a vision of you finally in my life, of finally meeting you, and somehow that turned the pain into something I could ride, like enormous waves, without drowning. And now you are gone, and the drowning is every day.

We never really said goodbye. I don't see why we should have. We weren't finished yet.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013


It took some thought to reopen this blog. It seemed to be causing distractions. For those of you who don't know, this blog is primarily about losing my son at age 22 to leukemia which he contracted after he volunteered at the WTC site right after 9/11. The audience is people who know me, other writers and bloggers, and most important: parents searching for support in grieving the loss of their children. Other losses in my life are mentioned, naturally. It all feeds into the same learning process, and the same support system.

It's unfortunate that so many are willing to dig into the lives of innocent people--including hacking a missing girl's private messages and page--and make no mistake that is what happened. If she did not invite you to read her private messages, and you figure out her password, that is the definition of hacking.

Reading here isn't hacking, I am letting you look at what grief looks like, in the hope that it will help other parents who have lost children. It's worth the price of some folks misusing this blog. Hopefully some of you will realize that posts on this blog, private messages from her FB page and elsewhere, were deliberately taken out of context. misrepresented, and twisted into something they were not, to feed a rumor mill that does nothing to help our lost family member or her father and sister.

This blog was closed out of concern for the families. Both families are in mourning right now. Those who actually know her know that she was one of us, too. She was a daughter and granddaughter, and niece and sister to us. She was part of every family celebration, and she was proud to call us family, and we were proud that she chose to be part of ours. We never thought twice about supporting her in every way possible. Neither family deserves to be subjected to the online gossip elsewhere disguised as concern. Because that just makes them suffer, and does nothing to build the case to find the killer. She deserves better. Her father and sister deserve better.

Character assassination of the people who love her is wrong. Succumbing to the petty lies and distortions would be wrong too. So the page reopens. We want her killer exposed, and the truth laid out for everyone to see.

If you have come here with an angry heart, and look to find only "incriminating" information, there's still hope that at some point the words will reach you and you will understand that she had two loving families, that all of us are in mourning, and that we support and love her father and sister, and mourn with them, and do what we can to help them. If you ever find yourself in the position we're in, come back, and find an open heart and two ears to listen.

May you find peace.