The Hollow Woman
5 years ago
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
So that's what's happening.
I just realized yesterday that I took my last zoloft some time last week. Now I finally understand why I've been hearing the "zaps" so typical of going off antidepressants, why I'm so weepy and forgetful, why every little ache hurts so much more. I have to laugh at myself for not putting it all together, or at least considering it might happen, but I tapered off so slowly this time that I was using a 7 day medication tray, and had gotten down to 25 mg every 3rd day when I quit, so basically I didn't even realize I'd quit. Now I'm not on any daily prescriptions at all. It's awesome. Even if I can't leave the house without a keeper.
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Have you tried desipramine? That seems to be the only drug that helps even out my depression and anxiety. Its been around longer than any of the newer drugs and is very mild. I only take when absolutely necessary as I don't like taking those drugs like around January 21st, the day my love left the Earth. I posted a comment to one of your old posts in case you wanted to know a bit of my story. Again, thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHope you have a nice summer.
J
Hi J, I did see your other post, and all I can tell you is that I do understand the added pain of not being able to share your loss with others. Being in love, especially in the early part of a relationship, or in an affair, is different than a marriage- I'd say it's an addiction in a sense, because you haven't had everyday reality intrude and temper your emotions to a liveable level as happens as love confronts reality. And like an addiction it's much, much harder to shake off. I don't envy you that emotional chaos one bit. The only things I can offer you've already heard/read/know: it's important to find a reason to be glad you're still alive. Find a future to aim toward. Find a reason you have to stick around. They're out there. For me, it was my living son, at first, but more reasons have come as I move on.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty much clear of the zoloft now and don't feel any worse. In fact, I feel good knowing that the mood I'm in has nothing to do with antidepressants. It was great for the 2-3 years, and I liked it better than the ones I'd been on in the early stages of grief. But I'm ready to take life on a little more fully now. I'm going to do a post about how fucked up psychology and health insurance are when it comes to natural grief. When I'm ready, I will.
I hope you are doing ok. One minute at a time.