Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Things I'd like to ask

On the way to work today, the park awash in pastels, I wonder what Jesse thought. He spent so little time with us after he left for college, that I honestly no longer know him as well as I once did. I fantasized about what I'd ask his friend, his girlfriend, if they would only tell me. All of you who knew him know he felt distant from me. What I'd like to know is why. I couldn't think of anyone I knew in college to whose parents I could explain why their kid was distant from them at that time, but I think Jesse must have been pretty articulate about whatever it is I did. It's not that I think I could fix the relationship now, it's just that I want to know. I want him as he was, in my heart, not the parts of him that I remembered from childhood, what he let me see as a young adult. I cried all the way through the park, realizing how far away he seems.

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