Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I had a dream

about Jesse. It was part of a longer dream and a lot of it was odd to the point of nonsense, but the parts I remember: I'm standing on a street corner with a bunch of friends. Behind us is a rolling clothing rack you often see in the Garment District, full of clothes. We start trying to remember the words to that kids' song, "do your ears hang low?" and all the moves. None of us can remember all of them. Suddenly Jesse appears, hovering cross legged above the clothes rack so it almost looks like he's sitting on it, but that's impossible. I know in the dream that means he's there as a spirit. He's smiling and aping our movements, but he remembers the parts we don't, and I smile and clap, raising my hands up in his general direction when he's done.

Later my younger son is watching tv with a group of people, and one of them (his college prof?) tells him "I don't like this show, change it," but when he changes the channel the guy says,"NO, I mean change the tv!" and he does. For some reason this causes the front air conditioner to spring a leak down the inside wall. I go back to ask him to return to the original tv because this one is making the AC leak, and he looks at me, exasperated.

Jesse appears, this time standing, and gives me a hug, smiling. I tell him how glad I am to see him, and he tells me he's going to fix the tv for his brother, and the leak for me. Then I wake up with a start.

It made me feel somehow relieved that he was smiling, that he looked healthy and that he was offering to help us do something. Those are all three things that didn't happen much in the last few months of his life. I wish I dreamed like this every night.

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