Tuesday, February 3, 2009

No, no, no, no, no.

This is the time of year where all I can hear in my head is that word, over and over. January 28th, I have to go home, I'm sick. January 29th, the last time I talk to him. He's fine, his friend Alex is coming by tomorrow. January 30th. The nurse. Come back now. He is already gone. Just a body on a bed surrounded by family and friends. Breathing because they're making him breathe. His heart still strong, everything else gone, even his eyes.

The vigil.

The 8th.

It never ends. I haunt the hospital and the walk from the subway to his bed. You can see my ghost every night.


  1. This is ripping my heart to shreds. I am mourning with you, sharing your pain and constantly wishing there was something I could do or say to take away your pain and heal your broken heart.

    There is just...nothing.

    Only sending my everlasting best wishes and sincere hugs.

    Love you, Iso.

  2. Thank you TG. I'm trying not to think about it. That only makes my head hurt. It helped to see this from you. I hope you're well.

  3. I mean, jesus christ, he was just a kid. Goddamnit.


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